Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Stealth Was A Mistake

Sticking my oar in the water...

Monica Helms' piece on stealth at Feministe,

Stealth Was A Mistake

I'm functionally stealth at work -- meaning I don't 'reveal' to each and every client my trans history. If asked, though, I'll answer the question truthfully. There are people at work who know, though. I can well imagine that I get outed quite a bit -- "you see that woman with the big videocamera? Well, she [was born male/is really a man/-(insert your own 'I know what she REALLY is' statement here...)]" It happens, I cant' stop it, no sense worrying about it, and there are enough righteous people who know and don't care to completely outweigh the very few obsessive bigots.

I'm functionally stealth when I buy bread/eggs/milk, or gas, or whatever. I don't reveal. There's no need to, and it would be a breach of society's unspoken etiquette on this topic. If there's not a reason to know, they don't want to know.


I came to the realization that those who are angrily, militantly deep-stealth in almost all circumstances (up to but not always including long-term intimate partners,) are passive-aggressive.

I can well imagine the following internal monologue -- "If they think that 'trannies' are dirty/nasty/sick/etc., I'll show them! I'll pull the wool over their eyes, and have the last laugh!"

I'm a DES 'son'. I've read the research. Girl brains in a boy body. I was force-'masculinized' by well-meaning relatives as well as misguided peers, like almost all transwomen. I think that it is more in keeping with displaying a true feminine nature to accept both your whole self (girl spirit in boy body) and that there will always be that some few who will handle that knowledge badly.

In contrast, militant stealth is hanging on to a masculine need to win at all costs, to 'defeat and vanquish' your enemies. Problem is, everybody outside your HBS/WBT tribe becomes your enemy.

I don't need that mess any more.